Today is Sunday January 14, 2018 and I am about to share my story with a crowd of not my choosing. But I did choose to share my story because I believe that I am strong enough to share without being affected by people’s reactions and inputs about MY STORY. So here we go…
First off, I’m Gabriella Secaira but most everyone knows me by Bella. I have only been truly working on my mental health and behaviors since September 2016. This is about the time I found this great organization called Free and Above, where I am now sharing my most fragile pieces of me. I am diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, Personality Disorder and Post- Traumatic Stress Disorder.
September 2016 I was checked into a Mental Institute where I detoxed, had an awakening, and admitted my truths. It was hard to admit my truths to my family, coaches, teammates and friends. But it was even harder to stare at my reflection, look deep and long and admit to myself about my sexual abuse, shame, suicidal thoughts, abandonment, and all the heart aches I had felt over such a long 22 years of life.
My whole life I had been lying and covering up who I was and why I choose such a toxic lifestyle. September 2016, a 21 year old female beginning her senior year of college at The University of Utah as a student athlete. September 2016, the month and year where the facts about the dark scary times started to come out. But I am not in a part of my life where I need to “brag” about my so-called “war stories”. I am choosing to not be the victim anymore. I gave my demons names and I took them head on. I am still taking them head on!
I am writing my story now. No one else. Just me. Wait…maybe one more person, Jesus Christ.
Now January 14, 2018, I have a degree is Business Administration from the University of Utah and finished off my athletic career strong. I have not been perfect and I am not perfection. I am learning about myself and continue to live my live free and above.
I share my story with Free and Above to inspire others to not be ashamed of their story and to embrace their scars, it is what makes you beautiful. WE must love ourselves the way we love others.