One word. Anxiety.
My handwriting sucks but that's not the point.
The point to this post is going to be about the word that was written. See anxiety is something I deal with. I'm not talking about the anxiety that creeps in from time to time during normal life situations. No, I'm talking about the diagnosis of an Anxiety Disorder. A disorder that makes situations 110% difficult when it hits me unexpectedly. It can even be the smallest, most pointless thing but still matter greatly and for some reason still bother the heck out of me. I have no control over it. I don't get to say when it can appear and when it can leave. I also get short of breath sometimes or it's the exact opposite and my heart rate increases. And I get very panicky and fearful. All of this can be paralyzing and feel like death, those who know - know what I mean.
One day I had the bravery to schedule an appointment with my doctor and tell them how I felt and what was going on and they prescribed me some medicine to help with my anxiety. It helped. A lot.
I'm not saying my anxiety didn't still exist because it does, I just feel more relaxed and can manage through those tough moments. No longer letting it stop me from what I was doing or making me go home when the environment I was in was too much for me to handle. I could push on through.
Because I asked for help.
Which led to me taking medicine.
Am I weak? No
Am I crazy for being on meds? Heck no
I'm human. I'm not superman.
I can't fight every battle alone. I'm going to need a sidekick. A few. I'm going to need professional help from doctors, those in behavioral health and some friends who will be there when it's needed and not tell me "Get over it. It's all in your head." I'm going to need a corner of people who support me fully and love me just the way I am. Because I can't change that. I am who i am. Who I am is somebody who deserves love just like anybody else. I am - someone who deserves a life that's not all about surviving but thriving. Actually being able to live in the moment and having joy take over my body. I am - someone who is strong and not broken. Just need a bit of some fixing and hey, that's okay. Don't we all have some work to do? This post isn't about me. It's to anyone who deals with anxiety on a daily basis and feel powerless. Believing happiness will never be in their reach and not having a normal life. This is for you. I want to show you, you're not alone. Absolutely not.
If you need help, just how I needed it.
Seek it out. I promise you once you take the first step towards that direction, things will fall into place. You begin to see how strong you really are. Don't ever doubt yourself.
Tony Cox Jr